I'm afraid.. oh wait.. maybe I'm not...

I have been thinking a lot lately about fear and the effects fear has had on my life.  Things like, where I would be today if I hadn't been afraid of doing this, or that? What amazing journeys would I have taken? How many inspiring people would I have met? What great things could I have already accomplished?



Living my life without fear has been a slow (translation-painful) process for me.  I keep telling myself that "This is what happens when you start a journey of self-discovery"..  Is this entire process comfortable?  Uh-NO!  

Truthfully, I don't know why I am so surprised at this. Deep down I always knew my life was messy. I always knew that I would eventually have to deal with all of the painful junk in the past before I could emerge as this wonderfully happy person.. I just didn't realize that it would be SO scary to really look at EVERYTHING. I am so used to comfortable pain. I'm used to stuffing my feelings into a box and only pulling them out when it is absolutely necessary. I'm used to hiding behind excuses. I'm used to being afraid. I'm used to fear consuming my life. Yeah, this whole self-discovery thing.. It is difficult.. but honestly, what do I have to be afraid of? Feelings?  Oooh..  (insert shudder here)

I tell myself often, "So what?!.. life is messy."  I fully acknowledge (admit, confess, or whatever term is socially acceptable these days) that my life has been (and still is) messy.  I have made mistakes (some worse than others), but I am still alive. I'm not afraid of the PAST any longer.. I mean, how can I be?  Those things (bad choices, painful emotions, etc.) are in the past! They have already happened! 

So, today, from a loving, non-fearing heart.. I'm kicking fear out of my life.  Of course I say this, while I sit in my safe little house all cozy and unafraid. The point is this; while sitting here pondering the concept of kicking fear out of my life forever, I realize that it is not going to be that simple. I mean, I know I can't just snap my fingers *poof* and make all the fear stop ...But there are some things I CAN do.. For example; I can believe in myself, believe that what I have to say is important, believe that I can accomplish great things, believe that I will travel to exciting locations, and believe in my ability to recognize the truth and abolish the lies.

So my lesson for the day is this:  Fear only becomes prevalent when I allow it to.  If I stop allowing it into my conscious mind, if I live my life without always wondering what if, if I can live right now.. in THIS moment, I can (and WILL) kick fear out of my life forever....

Thanks for reading. :)