I once was lost, but hey... I'm not lost anymore WOOT WOOT!!! :)

So, have you ever had that feeling that you should be doing something, and you thought you knew what it was, but you weren't quite sure?  Well, I've been having a lot of those moments lately.. Stumbling around, going through the motions of my life, but not really fitting in, not really thinking that people truly accepted me for who I am, and well....I've been thinking that people couldn't accept me... as ME.. Until now.......  *insert applause here*


I am so excited about this.. I've been feeling a pull at my heart for months now; but I didn't know what I was being asked to do. I mean come on, ya'll already know that I tend to over analyze everything, right?? However, I've been quietly listening lately for an answer for what seemed like an eternity! I mean Seriously?!?!?! ANY ANSWER would be good.  Well, I am happy to admit that I've finally got that answer!!

For the past 3 months I have been attending CR. I have been focusing more on what I DO have, instead of what I don't. I have been surrounding myself with other people who have hang-ups like me.  We all know those kind of people don't we?? I mean really think about this for a second... (pause for *deep thinking*)... Yeah... THOSE people..You know... the friends and family members that have struggles in their lives, the ones that can't let go of the past, the ones that can't seem to get ahead in their relationships, or get ahead in life!!  Well, at CR, I've been listening, sharing, and observing for months and I am happy to report, I finally feel like I am home.  I finally feel like all of my struggles are melting away.  I finally feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted from me. I finally feel like I'm not ALONE!  

Now, do I think that I will never have another struggle?  Uh... No!  But I know that I am on the right path, and here's why:  I'm coming out of my shell again.  I'm able to carry on a conversation with people who I wouldn't ordinarily reach out to. I no longer feel like I have to keep up with anyone's stuff, I no longer feel like I have to compete with people for their love, or attention.  I just feel..........................Happy!  Internally happy; you know.. the kind of happy you should feel every day, deep within your soul.  How awesome is that??

I'll tell you how awesome it is for me:  I have made a huge decision to help others heal their hurts, habits, and hang-ups.  I signed the papers last night to solidify my responsibilities with CR.  Do I know how I will be used yet?  Nope.. Do I fully understand what this means? Nope.. Am I sure that this is the BEST thing for me?  Absolutely!!!!  Sometimes,  it's not about what I know in my head.. it's about what I feel in my heart.  I decided that I can be a useful tool to help others work through their personal struggles; their hurts, habits, and hang-ups.. and I can't express how thankful I am that I can be a part of others' healing, overcoming their struggles, and finding their internal happiness..  :)

That, my friends, is what makes ME happy. I'm no longer lost.. I'm no longer wondering what I'm supposed to do. I'm not ALONE, but I think I've found my home. 

Hey buddy, do you have a match!?!?!?

A lot can be said about a person by the way they cope with bad situations.  Some turn to substances, some turn to inflicting physical pain on themselves or others, some turn to food, others just turn off the world so they can process the news.

Hi my name is Lisa, I bet you can't tell which one of those categories I fall into? Who would've guessed with a blog post (to the general public, I might add) that I fall into the "isolation" category. Yes, siree.. I said it.. Isolation is my coping mechanism.  After all, It has worked so well (insert sarcasm here) for me in the past, but lately?  Not so much!! I keep thinking back to what my dad always tells me, "No matter what honey, you always land on your feet."  Well these days, I sure feel like I spend more time on my knees in prayer, than on my feet.. that's for sure!!




As with any great epiphany, I've been thinking a lot about why I isolate myself from others when things feel like they're crushing me, and I think I'm missing just one thing..Keep reading, and then tell me if you think I'm on the right path here...

Sometimes it is the relationships in our lives that save us from those dark and terrible moments; moments like hearing your mom has cancer, or finding out your uncle has leukemia, or hearing that your friend's dad has passed away.  

So tonight readers, I will ask one simple question:  Do you have the kind of relationships in your life that light the way when you just can't seem to generate a little... tiny.. spark?  

If you answered yes to that question, I'm so glad that there are people in your life that love and care for you. You are truly one of the lucky ones!! :)

If you answered no to that question; Try this..Take some time to reflect upon what is holding you back from those relationships. Then get out there and start developing them!! (Really, that's more of a request than a direct order) After all, there is nothing more valuable than a network of people in your life when life seems to be crushing you.

Seriously folks.. Life is precious!  Don't let another day go by without sharing YOUR spark.   

Sometimes....

Sometimes, it takes everything we have to just breathe. This week (although only Tuesday) is that time for me.

A lot of stresses are hitting all at once lately. Now while the old me would prefer to ignore them and stay inside my protective bubble, I realize that I must recognize these stresses, work through them, and move on. It's called LIFE. Good, bad, or ugly we are here to live it.. So live it I shall!

This is no easy task for me because I often doubt my own ability to move forward. I often over- analyze every situation to the point of driving me a little crazy.  I often sabotage my own life so that I can pave the way for others.  Not this time.. Oh no! Not this time.  

This time, instead of old habits taking over, I have decided that a peaceful heart, a morning alone with prayer, keeping a positive outlook, and being true to myself will pull me through whatever "life" throws my way. 

It has taken me quite some time to get to this point; but now that I'm here, I'm grateful to my CR friends who have helped me see that overcoming my own discomfort, my own insecurities; I am able to MOVE forward instead of retreating back into my protective bubble. 

The bubble has popped!  *POP* Did you hear it? 

I will climb down off my soap box now. :)

Good night. Hold your children tight. My hope tonight is that my words will be inspire one person to shed their bubble and move forward.. :)

What price am I willing to pay?

There are so many things happening in my life right now.  Mom is still battling her cancer, but thank God she only has one chemo treatment left.  Then I found out another family member has the most aggressive type of leukemia there is; so he begins intensive chemotherapy this week too, soon to be followed by a bone marrow transplant.

I also haven't been feeling my best lately.  I finally took myself to the doctor, and my diverticulitis has flared up again, so THREE antibiotics later, here I sit on a clear liquid diet... again.  UGH! 

All of these medical problems seem like a lot, right?  Well, in my experience lately, there are no coincidences.. EVERYTHING happens for one reason or another... and here is what I believe to be true after doing a ton of reading.

1) Smoking=CANCER.. I never thought I would be one of those reformed smokers that preached to others, but I beg of you; if you're still smoking... please stop, and stop NOW!  Got it?




2)  Help others:  However you can, whenever you can. In relation to that topic, I am looking for a few people who would be open to volunteering for bone marrow donation. I must warn you, I do not know any of the specifics (i.e. what is involved in the screening process, what type will be needed, time frame, etc.).. I have tried to find information on the screening process, and how matches are determined through various leukemia sites, and honestly... the only information available is for potential matches, and what to expect during the donation procedure.  Not much help to concerned family members.. neat, huh??


3) Finally, I am admitting to myself, and to all of you, that although I had every intention in the WORLD of staying focused to this 90 day Challenge life has been swirling around me, and I fell off.  I believe that because of the poor food choices I made, I now have to deal with the pain of the diverticulitis flare up. Now, I am no doctor, but I see a definite correlation here  :(... So, I guess this was God's way of telling me that I need to keep drinking my Vi shakes. Shakes are what my body NEEDS. Shakes have kept me healthy for the past 19 months. Shakes do a body good.  Ok body, you've got my attention.. I won't stop drinking them again, I promise..

Please leave comments on any of the above topics.  I'm interested in hearing what you have to say.

Have a great day, love yourself as you would love others, and focus on your health!  :)

Wander off the path every now and then..

I was thinking about writing today, needless to say I didn't have much luck with inspiration. So, I thought I would give you a little peak into what taking the long way around did for me; here on the Internet (in public).  To be honest, this blog began as a weight loss journal for the masses. Sort of a way for me to showcase my physical transformation. This began as a means for me to have center stage on top of a very large soapbox for a few minutes of your day. Somewhere along the way it morphed into something else; something better..but never in a million years would I have ever guessed that it would turn into something so BIG.. Ok.. stop..now think big (grandiose, large, extra huge) and then,... go bigger than THAT!   

Seriously, what I have done here is transform my LIFE. Sure, I still talk about weight loss, because it is a very big (no pun intended) part of who I am. Don't get me wrong, I have had GREAT weight loss results (thank you Vi, and Vi family) However, I think I am happiest because I have found my words again. (yippee!)  Speaking to those of you who know me, you know that I can talk.. :) *wink, wink*  What I suppose I mean by "I have found my words" is this:  I realize that people may not always like what I have to say, but I have a right to say what I feel in my heart.  <3


I have learned that I am easily inspired by others, but I have also learned that my story is inspiring others. :)  I have had so many people reach out to me through email and say things like, "Thank you for those words, they are just what I needed to hear today" and "That brought me to tears, thank you for sharing."   I don't know why I ever felt like I lost my words... but for a long time, I didn't feel like I had anything to say. Not one.single. positive. encouraging. word. Now, it seems that's all that comes out of my mouth. Yay me.. and Yay YOU!!  Thank you for sharing your words with me!  :) 

Now, this journey I'm on is not always easy; in fact, some people think I've lost my mind (or should).. but, instead of letting that get to me, instead of letting negative comments drag me down, I'm letting them build me up. You're probably thinking who does that?!?!?!?!? I know it sounds cheesy, but I promise you it is the truth.. Old friends who knew the deep, dark, cynical me are probably thinking I'm just "acting" positive. They may think that I'm just going through a phase and at any moment I will slip back into my old habits. Sorry to tell ya (not really) that is incorrect. Don't misunderstand: I don't live every moment, of every day happy..  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Absolutely not!!! 

Here's the thing..In order for me to shift my behavior, I had to recognize there are only two ways I can choose to think about things.. There is the old way, which sounds a lot like this: "Oh no, not that again".. "I can't".. "I don't think (feel, want)".. "I hate that".. OR there is the new way which sounds something like this: "Sure thing" .. "That's awesome".. "I've got it covered".. "I believe".. "I know".. "I AM".. Today, I can speak the words, "I have faith" and actually mean them.

You see once I realized that it was way easier to say YES to feeling love, and opening myself up to receive love in return, my entire reason for waking up in the morning changed. All of the other things that came along with that feeling of wholeness (e.g. happiness, peace, communication, positivity) just sort of showed up. (WOO HOO!!)  Don't get me wrong.. I'm very glad those other feelings appeared..I'm sure my kids, co-workers, friends, parents, and readers are too :)..



So I leave you with this my friends:  The next time you start a journey, take time to wander off the path. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find. I did.. and now the title of this blog "Weight? Whatever!!!" has a whole new meaning to me.  :)

Enjoy your night, hold your kids tight.. and let love surround you! 

 

How can you put a pricetag on what I'm worth??

Last night as I was listening to a friend talk about her feelings of worthlessness.  That got me thinking about something.. How many times in the past have I been looking for that next exhilarating feeling, that next proverbial "stamp of approval" for things that I want to accomplish in my life? Keep reading to find out where that train of thought took me...

So many times in my past I was doing what was right (or at least felt right at the time), and what was expected of me; not what was necessarily making me happy, or giving back to others.  Now, I don't think my parents, teachers, or friends ever MADE me do things I wasn't comfortable with..that's not what I'm trying to say.. (please don't read between the lines here) I WANTED to do everything that I've done in the past..but I think what I ended up with was a sense of relief that I COULD do it, instead of the satisfaction deep in my soul that made me all warm and fuzzy. All I really WANTED to feel (with whatever I was involved in) was a feeling of WORTH. 

I would think to myself, "If someone could just see that I was a good person on the inside, and not really care about how (or what) I was doing on the outside" it will make me happier, more fulfilled..


Ya know, I think it is our natural instinct to want to please others. I think the power is within each and every one of us to want to make the best of a bad situation regardless of what that situation is.  However, in the past when I made decisions solely based on peer pressure, parental guidance, or a strong influencer's suggestion.. I had to ask myself.. "Am I really doing ths because I want to, or am I doing this to seek someone's approval and gain a little of their love and attention?"  Lately, I realize it was a little of both.  However, my internal desire to be loved and wanted often motivates me to do things that are not perhaps in the best interest of my own personal development.


So how have I been able to overcome these feelings of worthlessness?  I have been surrendering my life everyday. I have been making a list of personal items I need to let go of every day.  I have been seeking guidance, forgiveness for my attitude, and for my actions EVERY day. 

You've probably guessed that it is a constant struggle for me; realizing that I HAVE WORTH! I have an outlook like no other. I have dreams, goals, and abilities that no one else in the world has.. I have the power within me to change MY way of thinking. I alone, have the power to hang on to my faith and know with 100% certainty that whatever I am doing is what I am meant to do. That my friends gives me an incredible feeling of worth!

This song speaks volumes to me..

Who is this person?? Oh yeah, it's me!

So once again I have been blown away by an epiphany.  

As I was talking to a friend the other day, I kept hearing them utter the phrases "I can't", "I don't want to", "It's hard" and then it was like something exploded in my head.. That's exactly how I used to sound,  I thought to myself.. THOSE are the words I used to say, THAT is how I used to feel. What caused me to get to that negative place??  I say USED to, because it's like a light switch has been flipped in my head, those words just aren't in my vocabulary anymore. WOO HOO to me! 

I can't begin to explain the overwhelming sense of relief I have been feeling lately.  You must be thinking.. Gee Lisa, did you win the lottery or something? 

My response is: Nope.. that's not it.. 

In fact, I still have monetary struggles.  I still wonder how the kids will turn out as adults.  I am still concerned about health, fitness, and people's general well-being.  However, those issues are not in my control.  They are not my issues, and I need to surrender everything or I risk losing everything.... again... 

Well, if you've been following my journey, you know that there have been some drastic changes in my life. It seems sometimes like my life has really only just begun (Insert cheesy Carpenter's song here). 

While I feel as though I've accomplished so much in a relatively short period of time, until recently I had no real direction; no sense of purpose, no motivation, no REAL desire for anything good or bad, I just felt nothing.. No overly happy thoughts, no overly sad thoughts, I just felt nothing.. Could this be ALL there is for me?  Will I be stumbling through life wondering what I'm supposed to be doing forever?  Will I always feel like something is missing?  Surely that can't be right.. Because I am goal driven. I am capable of anything.. I am for all intents and purposes a lifelong learner-lifetime achiever.  

I have just chosen to take the learning to the next level!!  One that I believe will move me in an upward direction.

Here's the thing.. a Few months ago, I knew there was something missing in my life. I didn't know what "it" was, but it was always just out of reach.  What was that little voice in my head?  I had no clue.. but I knew I was missing out on something great. Something.. what was that??? 



So I made a choice!!  I made a choice to always focus on the positive, even if that means that I will take small steps to achieve greatness, I will make them anyway.  If I am (which I already know) going to inspire others, I need to inspire myself. If I am to be set free from the negative thoughts that surround me, I need to let them go.  I realized that other people's problems were not my own, but that I could still listen without being apathetic.
 
If you are remotely curious about my choices, if you want to know how I could turn from being negative to positive, please ask. If you want to keep reading to see if I change back to my old ways, I welcome you to keep watching.  If you want to keep reading to see how this all plays out (because you've known me before) you are very welcome to do that too.  


Feel free to post comments here to my wall if you are so inclined, or email me and ask. You can reach me at lisaschallenge@gmail.com